Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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