toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize