We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
