you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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