never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
