I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
