yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Rumble strips road head = magical
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
