I haven't been this sober since birth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
