I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
