if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
