Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
