I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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