yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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