You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
