Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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