His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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