youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
