i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
