if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think we might need a safe word for this...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
