I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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