So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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