how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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