I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
