so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
