in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
