yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
