We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
3pm strippers are depressing
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
