I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
