my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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