My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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