When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
