my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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