But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize