yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She even gives head with a lisp.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
