u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
