ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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