I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize