Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
