Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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