Just took my morning after pill in the library
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
