The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize