Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
