at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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