Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize