Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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