My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
