you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
