so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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