Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
