We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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