Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
