If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
