don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
