Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
