What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
