I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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