Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
