she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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