Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
