I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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