I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
