we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
FUCK WHALES
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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