i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
