All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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