Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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