so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
