I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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