So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
how does that bad decision feel?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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