Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
