I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
