i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
3pm strippers are depressing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize