All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My nipple is on Facebook.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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