I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We need a shit load of segways right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
