the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
