i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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