Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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