So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
