I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
