you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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