pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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