I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
