I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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