is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
