The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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