My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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