just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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