I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is wine microwaveable?
This house was built for laser tag.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
