I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
