I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
