so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize