you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
