Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
