I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
