no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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